Relationship advise — Are you ruining your married daughter’s life???

Relationship between the mother and a married daughter keeps on evolving, they may spend lesser time with each other, they may get engrossed in their own lives but the bonding becomes stronger because now they relate with each other as adult, married women.

Many of us find that our relationship with our married daughters becomes more meaningful with passage of time.  

A REAL LIFE TRUE STORY: –

My friend Naima was beside herself when her daughter Maya got married and joined her husband in UK. “My poor little girl has to set up a new home in a new country, all by herself”, was Naima’s constant wail. All her conversations would be about, “How will my Maya survive? How will she manage? Oh, she has to do all the household chores without any help, she doesn’t have a single friend there, my poor little baby!”

And, then she took to talking to her daughter every single day, that too for 4-5 hours per day on an average. Naima felt, she was helping Maya by doing so. The mother daughter duo, didn’t even realize, when these talkathons turned into sessions where every tiny detail of the newly wedded couple’s life was being discussed. Needless to say, Maya took a long long time to settle down, eventually she realized that her mother had virtually entered into her home and into her marital life.

Maya understood that she has to put a stop to this. She started to restrict their chat sessions, making it a point to talk of general interest topics only. From time to time she assured her mother that she was coping up well, slowly the two of them sorted out their enmeshed lives. Now Naima is so much at peace with herself!

Dear friends, tell frankly, did you too go through similar relationship issues at some time in your life?   

ISSUES: –

When a girl gets married, her relationships change dramatically.

She is no more the little girl in her parental home.    New rules and new boundaries have to be put in place.

She has to take up a whole new role in her new home.    

For parents, especially for a mother it becomes difficult to acknowledge that their little girl has entered into a new phase of her life.

Her priorities have changed.

She has to make her place in a whole new setup.

SITUATIONS: –

For the girl too, it is a whole new experience, scenarios may vary—

*Has she moved to a different city/ country?

*Is she going into a joint family or are they just the two of them?

*Is it a love marriage or an arranged one?

Friends, each situation throws a whole different challenge,

which one applies to you?

SOLUTIONS: –

Well, lessons learnt and the solutions are the same for each situation-

*Avoid talking and discussing your daughters’ relationship problems, let her figure out the solutions herself.

*Have confidence in your upbringing and express it, tell her frequently that you have faith in her.

*Listen to each other and listen with full attention, keep in touch, however keep your counsel to yourself, unless she seeks it specifically for a particular issue.

*Do not probe, do not try to draw conclusions and DO NOT try to live their life, our times were different, they are living in a different world.

*Keep your interactions brief, enjoy them, talk of good and positive things, keep your conservations light and have fun.

I feel the second solution is the best, what is your take?

Let your princess explore her new life.

Let her become an integral part of her new family.

Let her accept her new role with an open heart and with an unbiased mindset!

Renuka. 

Author: admin

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